Well here I am again – trying to get a message on to your website – this is the third attempt and hopefully this will be successful. Not sure what to say now – when I wrote last year and earlier this year it was very easy – the words flowed but now they don’t. Not sure why that is but last year the question was easy too – WHY ? – I wished I had known you were in such pain and so low on yourself. The conversation we had only a couple of weeks before was so much fun – reminiscing, laughing about you lots as kids. You told me you were alright – a bit of an untruth there my darling. If only, if only, if only, it’s a question I keep asking myself but I didn’t know, and if I had would I have made any difference – I doubt it. The people you had around you, and still have around you, are very bonded to you – they defend you, they love you, they miss you. If only you had taken that on board and accepted their love and not worried about the love you didn’t have – you might have been in a happier place, but we can’t change anything can we on that score. I talk to you nearly every day – you know that anyway. I find the white feathers, in the most funny places and at the most appropriate times !!! – I was talking to Ray about you a few weeks ago, and went to pick a leaf from a plant – and there was a feather - WOW ! I cried, again, and wondered if it was you or Bob that arranged it to be there for me. And yesterday when the vase fell over in the garden and I had to pick up the glass, bent down to get the pieces and there was another feather for me – I tried to put it in my pocket but it was stuck to my finger! And I had only been talking to you a few minutes before! Some people would say this is nonsense but I don’t care. Your birthday today – 7 July – will get you some flowers and put them in a vase and think of you. I met Ray on your birthday in 1977 – we have just celebrated our 25th anniversary, who would have thought it all those years ago. You used to laugh at him so much – I was the strict one getting you to bed etc, and he was the one chasing you all about like a monster and getting you all screaming along that long passage in your flat on Ibscott Close. You were my very first neice, I was only 10 when you were born, so you never called me Aunty Ann – well only to take the micky. But I was very much your Aunty, loved getting you all things for your birthdays and christmas’s, loved the get together round Nan’s – normally on Boxing Day – god it was noisy round there – about 24 of us when we were all there!! And that went up every year as you all had kids of your own. When you were young, every Saturday you used to be round Nan’s, then walk up the Heathway, have a sandwich for tea and then you would all go home. It was very quiet then – I used to pop into Nan’s on Saturdays after I got married just to see you all. Now Nan and Grandad are mostly on their own most Saturdays – and although they used to moan about the mess and the noise years ago bet they still would like it now! Got to go now my darling – sleep well – take the rest you need – and send our love to everyone that we know that’s with you partying for your birthday. Love Always AUNTY Ann. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx